


Yes I Do The Cooking, Yes I Do The Cleaning

by harshmorninglight



Series: The Umbrella Academy Kink Meme Fills [11]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bottom Klaus, Daddy Kink, Diego Being A Jerk, Dominant/Submissive, Established Relationship, Gender Roles, M/M, Mentions of Gaslighting, Miscommunication, Non-Consensual Spanking, Resolved Happy Ending, TUA Kink Meme Fill, Therefore Unintended Abuse, Top Dave, You Can Be The Judge Of Whether It's Actually Gaslighting, non negotiated kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:01:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25975606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harshmorninglight/pseuds/harshmorninglight
Summary: Their relationship works well and they're both happy with the arrangement: Dave is the man of the house, Klaus his submissive housewife. But when Dave administers an unexpected punishment, Klaus is left wondering just what the hell he's got himself into.
Relationships: Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz
Series: The Umbrella Academy Kink Meme Fills [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1355947
Comments: 16
Kudos: 95





	Yes I Do The Cooking, Yes I Do The Cleaning

**Author's Note:**

> For the kink meme prompt [here:](https://umbrellakink.dreamwidth.org/284.html?thread=1244700#cmt1244700) _Dave and Klaus have an argument and Dave puts Klaus over his knee. I'd prefer it if he unzips Klaus and spanks him on his bare ass._
> 
> _Klaus is shocked as he's grabbed and pinned down but doesn't fight it. He gets hard but doesn't get off and it hurts, Dave is strong AF._
> 
> _Bonus but not essential: Afterwards, Klaus tries to tell Dave he didn't like being spanked, but they could do it during sex if Dave wants to. Dave is confused, he doesn't see it as a big deal and it wasn't intended to be sexy. He was trying to make Klaus behave and sees giving his ass a spank for rudeness/poor behavior as perfectly normal._
> 
> I got a little carried away with this. Not entirely happy with the resolution of it but as that wasn't the focus of the prompt I decided not to stress myself too much! As with the majority of my fics, I do NOT condone any relationship dynamics portrayed within. Communication in a D/S relationship is fundamental. Don't be like these two idiots, I beg you.

Dave doesn’t get mad about much, but money is a weird little bugbear of his. 

He genuinely _hates_ it when Klaus dips into his inheritance from Reginald to purchase expensive items that they would otherwise simply go without. Klaus secretly finds this ridiculous, because Dave works _so_ hard and for so little reward, but most of the time he does his best to honor his man’s wishes.

Because he _is_ the man of the house, after all.

They agreed when they first moved in together. Dave would be the man of the house; he’d go to work, have final say in major decisions, control the finances, protect Klaus; in return Klaus would cook and clean and look pretty for him. 

Klaus was delighted with this arrangement, and remains delighted to this day. He is lazy to his very core and the idea of being Dave’s kept housewife excites him _far_ more than it should do. And if he’s not quite as good as keeping up his end of the deal (he’s hopeless in the kitchen, a real procrastinator when it comes to cleaning, etc etc), well, he knows that Dave will always set him on the path of righteousness.

It shouldn’t surprise Klaus, therefore, that Dave has a couple of hang-ups about being the sole provider, and despite his lack of opportunities to really climb the career ladder (on account of the whole ‘technically not existing’ thing), he does a pretty great job of being just that. So great, in fact, that Klaus has gone several months now without dipping into his inheritance, and therefore breaking the only really _major_ rule Dave has imposed on him.

But that was before the heatwave struck.

It is so, _so_ obscenely hot at the moment. Disgustingly hot. The walls of their downtown apartment block seem to bake in the heat, creating a furnace-like hellscape within. Klaus can take it up to a certain point, because he generally wears far less clothes than the average housewife, but just as Dave prides himself on being a good old fashioned alpha male, Klaus prides himself on always looking perfect for his man when he returns home from a long day of work.

And when it’s this hot, all he looks like is a sweaty, gross swamp monster with panda eyes where his mascara has run, blotches of acne sneaking through the patches in his foundation, and, most indignantly of all, sweat patches under his arms that simply _ruin_ his pretty satin camisoles and create the most unsightly spectacle.

So when a salesman turns up on a particularly unbearable day with the promise of an air conditioning system installation within the next few hours, Klaus doesn’t even think about it: he’s practically writing out the cheque before the guy has even finished his opening spiel.

***

As he luxuriates on the sofa later that day with a homemade lemonade, the air con gently lifting and lowering the scattered pages from his sketchbook that he’s been trying to focus on, he can’t help but feel pleased with himself. God knows, Klaus needs it, but he knows the heat has been getting to Dave as well. 

In short: he’s been coming home way grumpier than usual, and rarely in the mood for fucking. And that obviously just won’t do. A housewife has needs. _Klaus_ has needs.

So, yes, Klaus decides he’s going to get _fucked_ tonight, and he doesn’t care who knows it. He’ll scream this whole cursed oven of a building down, probably.

It doesn’t even occur to him that his purchase _may_ have the capacity to backfire until about thirty minutes before Dave is due home: the heat must have fried his brain or something, because as another glorious waft of cool air hits him, something else simultaneously knocks him for six.

_I’m not supposed to be spending my own money and Dave’s pay cheque definitely won’t extend to a fancy new air conditioning system._

Klaus gulps, looks wildly around the lounge for a minute in the hope that inspiration might strike, and then his eyes fall on a picture of his siblings.

Bingo.

“Please, Diego, please, pick up the phone, pick up the phone, PICK UP THE DAMN PHONE,” he mutters with increasing ferocity as he calls his favourite brother and hopes for the very best.

God giveths by ensuring Diego picks up: she takethes away by making the absolute _asshole_ laugh hysterically when Klaus explains the situation.

“Oh, Klaus, how the hell do you even make your own bed in the morning with that bird brain of yours? Did it not click when this douchebag gave you the price that this might not be the greatest idea you’ve ever had?”

“First of all, I make the bed in the afternoon, so there,” Klaus says, ignoring Diego when he starts cackling and calling that a self-own. “Secondly, I’m just… I’m so _hot_ all the time,” Klaus whines. “And I’m sex-starved, Diego. Thoroughly sex-starved. It’s making me lose any rational thought in my head.”

That just causes Diego to laugh harder, and to reply, “Considering you’ve never had a rational thought in that ditzy little brain of yours, does that make you permanently sex-starved? Is Dave aware that he’s never actually satisfied you?”

Klaus doesn’t have _time_ for this. He begins to unashamedly whine down the phone in a high-pitched mewling that he hopes Diego will find endearing, though he’s beginning to suspect he’s fighting a losing battle.

“Please, just tell him… tell him that you installed it for us! A _sweet and generous_ house warming present. He’ll believe you.”

“I mean, yeah. He’ll believe me over you any day of the week, that’s a given. But asking the latino guy to play handyman? I don’t know, bro, that sounds a little problematic to me....”

“Diegoo _ooo_ ,” Klaus whines, even more shamelessly. “I’m begging you! He’s going to withhold sex for, like… a month, at this rate.”

Diego cackles. “As hard as that’s surely going to be for you, I think this is what our father liked to call a ‘teachable moment’. You keep bragging to all of us about how _good_ you are for Dave, what a _real_ man he is. So suck it up, sweet cheeks. This is what you signed up for, remember?”

And with that, Diego hangs up on him. Klaus blows a long, rude raspberry into the receiver and then moans forlornly.

***

He’s considering working the way through the rest of his siblings when he hears the familiar sound of the key in the lock, and Dave’s heavy work boots on the wooden floor as he enters the apartment and bolts the door behind him.

“Honey, I’m home,” he greets, and Klaus feels his heart flutter a little despite himself. As nervous as he is to face the music, he has to admit that there’s few feelings better than greeting Dave, and he does that now with vigour, rushing out to the hallway and flinging himself like a koala around the broad body of his boyfriend, squealing a little when Dave hitches him up to his waist.

“Mmm. There’s my best girl. What a welcome.”

“Missed you,” Klaus says, sincerely, and he decides in that moment to aim for distraction. It’s as good a plan as any, because maybe Dave will be so keen to fuck him that he won’t take any notice of his surroundings, let alone the fact that the air is practically arctic at this point. “I want you to take me to bed, baby, and fuck me hard. And then…” he seizes on a moment of inspiration, “then I can cook you dinner and we can just snuggle _allll_ night and you don’t have to move a muscle.”

Dave chuckles and plants a kiss on Klaus’s forehead. “How am I going to fuck you if I can’t move _any_ muscle?”

Klaus giggles. “Oh, well, there’s _one_ that’s allowed.”

For a moment he thinks he’s got away with it. Dave is carrying him through to the bedroom, Klaus’s legs still wrapped around his waist, his eyes hungry with lust. 

But then he stops, turns his head from one side to another, and frowns. Then he frowns deeply.

“What’s different?”

“Hmm?” Klaus asks with all the innocence he can muster. “Nothing, daddy, I just look even cuter than usual, that’s all.”

“Something is different.”

“I… hoovered?”

Dave frowns at him, then sternly exclaims, “Klaus.” 

It isn’t the start of a question.

“Hmm?” Klaus asks again. He tries to cling on to Dave’s thick biceps, and can’t help letting out a small yelp when his boyfriend grabs his arms tightly, lowers him down to the floor, and looks him straight in the eye.

“Why is it so cool in here? And why can I hear an air-con unit?”

“Hmm?” Klaus asks again, for the third time, and Dave’s frown has taken over his whole face at this point. Yeah, so… Klaus is probably pushing the innocent angle a _little_ too far. Instead, he tries for sassy. He rolls his eyes and saunters away with an annoyed huff of his breath, a petulant crossing of his arms. “It’s nothing, okay. I was sick of boiling myself to an early death so I found a super cheap deal for air conditioning. I thought you’d be grateful. ”

“How cheap?” Dave asks, following him into the living room where the unit is whirring away on the wall. “Klaus, _how_ cheap?”

“Like… I don’t know? A few hundred? Maybe… the _higher_ end of a few hundred? What does it matter? You can’t put a price on my happiness, can you?”

Dave pinches his nose and takes a deep breath, as if he’s trying to stop himself from erupting, and Klaus’s heart sinks. They’ve had this kind of discussion more than once, and each time Klaus has promised to learn from it, and to discuss with Dave any purchases _before_ he makes them. He readies himself for another argument, while at the same time wishing Dave could just chill the _fuck_ out for once.

“We can’t afford _a few hundred_ , Klaus, I just sprung for that fancy new mattress you were begging me for, and it wiped me _out_. You know that. I told you that. So why on God’s green earth don’t you ever listen to me?”

“You might not be able to afford it, but I can!” Klaus snaps before he can stop himself. “I could have afforded that mattress too, you know!”

Dave looks at him with fury and Klaus feels himself backing away a little. That look is… well, it’s something new, and he’s not really sure where it’s leading, but he’s sure it can’t be anywhere good.

“I told you, I don’t _want_ you spending your goddamn inheritance from that abusive fuck who brought you up. I’d rather you burned it than have his memories stinking up _our_ home.”

“It’s just… reparations,” Klaus tries to reason. “Payment for being such an asshole. It’s nothing. It means _nothing_.”

“It means _everything_! _I’m_ the man of this house, _I_ pay for you, _I_ care for you _, I_ keep you safe and sound. Not him! Not any of your family. _Me_! _I’m_ the daddy! That’s what we agreed, that’s how you wanted it to work, remember? So if you can’t listen to my _very_ clear instructions, I’m just going to have to show you instead of tell you.”

The next movement takes Klaus entirely by surprise. One second Dave is the opposite side of the room to him, and Klaus is trying not to whimper in terrified lust at the assertion of his daddy-status, the next he’s marched over to him at rapid speed and is dragging him towards the sofa where he unceremoniously sits down with a thud, and then… _drags_ Klaus over his lap.

“Dave, seriously… you… what the hell?” Klaus splutters, and then he gasps loudly as he feels a large hand come down hard over the silk of his kimono, colliding with his behind. “Oh my God, what the fuck?!! What are you…”

“Teaching you a lesson,” Dave responds. “Now watch your language, brat.” And then he spanks him again. Klaus has had quite enough of _that_ , thank you very much, and scrabbles to get away. But Dave’s grip tightens, and worse, he uses the short purchase of distance that Klaus has yanked his body in to pull his panties down and the silk robe up.

Klaus finds himself whimpering in fear as he feels the cool air of the air con on his suddenly very naked ass, and the unrelenting grip of Dave’s hand on his back, keeping him in place.

He then proceeds to reposition Klaus’s body, his ass angled up, and this time the crack of his free hand brings tears to Klaus’s eyes.

“Dave, you made your point, _please_ , just-”

The hand comes down again, and again, and Klaus finds himself slipping into a kind of shock. He’s disorientated, blinking rapidly, trying to work out what’s happening. He’s distantly aware of how quickly he’s breathing, and tears at his cheeks. It’s not like he’s never been spanked before but it’s always been a bit of lighthearted fun during sex, nothing like this.

Not to mention, Klaus’s pain threshold is higher than the average, but Dave is tearing into his ass like it’s a particularly stubborn bit of dough, and it _hurts_. It hurts so bad.

“Please, daddy, you’re hurt-”

“You’re not going to talk your way out of this,” Dave tells him simply. “You’ve had this coming for a long time, and I _will_ go for hours if you keep running that pretty mouth of yours.”

Klaus whimpers at that and promptly shuts the pretty mouth in question. He bites into his lip as Dave delivers another five spanks; he wants to ask how many he’s going to get but now he can’t say _anything_ so he remains silent, save for the constant stream of sobs and hiccups that he can’t quite keep in.

It passes ten spanks, then twenty. It passes ten minutes. At one point Dave stops, and Klaus thinks maybe it’s over. He can feel him running his hands over his red ass cheeks, pinching a little, and Klaus presses his hand to his mouth and tries not to scream out in pain. Then Dave says, “twenty more,” and Klaus half sobs out of relief that there’s an end in sight, and half sobs out of fear for the twenty still to come.

“You’re taking this better than I thought,” Dave says at one point. Klaus hiccups a little, and maneuvers his head round to stare up at his boyfriend awkwardly, eyes wide and wet with tears. Dave chuckles and places a kiss to his forehead, muttering, “Such a pretty face,” and Klaus feels his cheeks crimson despite everything. 

Klaus keeps a tally in his head; Dave actually gives him twenty-two, but Klaus’s ass can’t really tell the difference anymore as it all kind of melts into a blinding pain that he knows he’ll struggle to sit on for a good few days.

“Okay. Now I need you to reflect on this, baby, so I want you to go and stand in the corner. Really think about what you did,” Dave tells him, his voice lower and gentler now, and Klaus’s head is spinning as he stands up, barely registering what Dave is laughing about until he blinks down to where Dave is looking, and sees his cock standing at attention. For some reason he automatically covers it, and that makes Dave laugh even louder.

“Bit late in the game to show some modesty, ain’t it?”

Klaus hiccups again and moves awkwardly to the corner with his panties still around his ankles. He’s not sure if he should step out of them, in case that annoys Dave, or pull them up in case that annoys him too (plus, Klaus is pretty sure he can’t bear stretchy lace fabric over his glowing ass checks right now.)

He listens to the clock ticking as he stands in the corner, facing the wall, nose pressed against it, and as he listens and reflects, he becomes more and more tearful. He’s not sure what Dave is up to right now, as he’s no longer in the room, but the more lucid Klaus becomes, the more he cries and shudders.

This… wasn’t right, is it? Despite the fixed power dynamics between them, they’ve never discussed an actual BDSM relationship or lifestyle. It’s not the same as spanking during sex, when it’s purely a naughty little bit of foreplay to get things going. And Dave has never been interested in that, anyway, staring at Klaus blankly on the sole occasion Klaus had thrust his ass at him and teased, “Spank me, daddy.” 

No. This was serious. Dave was serious throughout. Dave wanted to hurt him, and he did, and Klaus honestly has no idea what to think about it.

He’s startled out of his thoughts when he feels strong arms encircling him from behind. He yelps, flinching away, and Dave chuckles at him, before leaning in to kiss his tears away from his cheeks. “It’s time for dinner, silly. I decided to let you off shuffling around the kitchen, as cute as that would have been. Let’s get some food down you.”

Klaus lets himself be led through to the kitchen, hissing in pain as he eases himself into the chair that Dave pulls out for him. He watches as Dave sits down next to him, the two seater table leaving no room for distance, immediately tucking into the corn beef hash he’s made for the both of them.

Aall Klaus can do is sniffle and hiccup a little more, and push his food around his plate miserably, because he doesn’t think he’s going to have an appetite for a week.

“So I told him, _I might be an illegal alien, but you’re uglier than one_ , and that shut him the hell up,” Dave is telling him as he shovels food into his mouth, talking about one of the guys at work that has been teasing him about his immigration status. Klaus smiles glassily at him, trying to work out where he stands right now, whether he’s allowed to talk. Not that he really wants to, because if he does he thinks he’s just going to start bawling again.

“Anyway,” Dave says, taking another large mouthful, “How was your day, baby?”

“I-” Klaus has no idea how to answer. Does Dave want him to talk about the air con installation? Or to avoid it completely? He doesn’t want to get in trouble again. He _can’t_ get in trouble again. He doesn’t know how much further Dave will go next time. In the end he settles for a shrug, and a quick, quiet, “It was fine, thank you.”

Dave puts his fork down and suddenly looks very serious, and very intense. Klaus grips the side of the table and tries not to cry out again in fear.

“You’re sulking, right?”

“Huh?”

“For the spanking. You’re sulking. Come on, Klaus, what the hell did you think was going to happen this time?”

He sounds… so reasonable? Is this gaslighting, Klaus thinks with alarm. Diego warned him about gaslighting once, during his hooker days, with a pamphlet shoved in his hand. Said Klaus probably needed it, because only assholes were attracted to him. When Klaus met Dave, he put that particular fear to bed, but maybe Dee had been right all along.

“I… well... maybe a discussion? An argument, even? Not… not that.”

“We tried a discussion. We tried an argument. Several times. That didn’t take, so I had to try something else. Ain’t that obvious?”

Klaus blinks at him. 

“Obvious? Dave, you… you hurt me.”

“Well, yeah. I’ve never heard of a non-hurting type of ass whooping?”

Gradually something begins to click in Klaus’s brain. The time Dave is from, the attitude to certain things that Klaus takes for granted. At the start of their time together, here in the modern day, Dave would shove Klaus away in the street when Klaus reached out for his hand, had a damn near panic attack when two cops had shown up at their door rregarding a disturbance elsewhere in the building block, cried the first time he watched a TV show featuring two gay guys getting married. Sometimes Klaus has to remember all the progress the world has made, that Dave had to adjust to basically overnight. 

He sighs, for the first time feeling a little more in control of the situation. “Dave, we don’t… we don’t do that here. Now. It’s seen as abuse. You can’t just… _whoop my ass_ … whenever you’re mad at me.”

“Abuse?!” Now it’s Dave’s turn to blink in bemusement. “You’re trying to compare me to one of those rednecks that knock about their wife? For real, Klaus?”

“No, of course not… I know you think it’s normal, and I hadn’t explained to you that it’s not, and that’s my fault! _Huge_ oversight on my part. But now you know, it’s just about… finding a better way if I do something to annoy you.”

Dave frowns. “So it didn’t work? It didn’t make any difference?”

“Oh, wow, no. It made a difference. I’m _never_ going to spend that dumb inherentince money again, I promise. In fact I’m going to transfer it to Five, because I’d be too scared to ask him for a dime.”

Dave pauses for what feels like a very time, the frown still weighing heavily on his handsome features. Finally, he asks in a confused tone, “Okay, so… it worked? You finally listened to me on this, and thought of a good solution, but not exactly a complicated one that you couldn’t have come up with before. Just… explain to me why my actions were wrong, baby, because I’m at a loss here?”

Klaus… is now at a loss himself. Because... _okay_ , that _so_ wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. He feels like he should be able to answer this question immediately, that the answer should be obvious, but faced with Dave’s logical questioning and bemused expression, all he can do is whisper, “I… I don’t know, really… I guess because it’s it’s not… not something most couples have to resort to when they disagree.”

Dave snorts. “We ain’t like most couples, though.”

“No, but-” Klaus sighs. “It hurt, Dave. It really hurt.”

“Well it wasn’t supposed to be a fucking picnic, baby. You’re my girl, and I love you, and I’d never _hurt you_ hurt you. But it seems to me you react real good to a little incentive? Plus,” and now a smile finally pulls on his lips, “You seemed to enjoy it a _small_ bit,” he says, and runs a finger up Klaus’s thigh, up between his legs. Klaus’s dick stirs for the second time that evening, and he blushes quickly before swatting Dave’s hand away.

“That was just... an involuntary reaction to your hands on my… private parts.”

“They weren’t anywhere near your _private parts_. They were on that disrespectful skinny little ass of yours.”

“God, you’re insufferable,” Klaus says, and proceeds to pout as Dave pulls him forward and presses an affectionate kiss to his head. “And for that record, a bit of _light_ spanking during sex _fine_. Welcome, even. What you did to me, though, that just... isn’t.”

Dave lets out a small, irritated sigh. “Fine. So no spanking, even though it worked, ‘cos this is the most adult I’ve ever seen you since this heatwave took hold. No spanking because it apparently _ain’t proper_ these days, unless it’s a sexy thing. I’ll just play the great provider, which you _asked_ me to do, while you disobey my simple instructions again and again. And I guess I’ll try and lay down the law by ignoring you, instead. Which, by the way, you and I _both_ hate, so it’s a punishment for me as well.”

“Dave-” Klaus says faintly, “That isn’t-”

“It’s okay if you want me to act like a _modern man_ , baby, all you need to do is ask and I’ll adapt. Just don’t confuse me by asking me to play _man of the house_ and then not listen to a damn thing I say.”

There’s a sharp, simple logic to his words that Klaus finds impossible to ignore. The more he thinks it all through, the more he _gets_ why Dave is hurt, and confused, and the more he _gets_ how ridiculous this must all sound to him.

Klaus sighs, and reaches out for Dave’s hands. Dave takes both of them in his larger ones and squeezes, though he still looks hurt. Klaus’s heart sinks with distress.

“I didn’t hurt you too bad, did I?” Dave asks, and his voice is all of a sudden so small, so uncertain, that he barely knows what to say.

“I mean… you’re pretty strong,” Klaus sniffles, tears springing to his eyes. “You could have gone to, like, half the effort, and I’d still have listened.” He wipes away at his tears, wishing he could stop crying tonight, even if it’s reached the point where it feels kind of good to get it all out.

Dave thinks for a long minute, then asks, “So why don’t I do that?”

“Huh? Do what?”

“Go to half the effort? And… maybe… I don’t know… rub some lotion in afterwards? And call you my brave strong baby and give you a cuddle and carry you to bed? I’ll admit, my dad used to wail on my ass and I hated it too, and it mostly made me more angry. You’re not like that. You’re already soft, obedient, most of the time, anyway. I guess I took it way too far.”

Klaus giggles through his tears, remembering all of a sudden how much he loves this somehow simultaneously stupid _and_ intelligent man.

“We can try it,” he agrees, reaching out to wrap his arms around Dave’s neck. “Starting with you giving me a cuddle and carrying me to bed. Now that the bad part is over.”

Dave scoops him up in his arm like he weighs nothing, and Klaus yelps a little in pain as he feels hands at his ass, rubbing gently, before he nestles in close to the crook of Dave’s neck. “Love you, daddy,” he whispers, and Dave whispers right back, “Love you too, pretty baby.”


End file.
